The Comedic Intellectual T-Shirts

Discount Books: Meet the Janitor 6-8 PM.

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Schrödinger and his cat

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."