Comic Relief In Suits Gifts

'Well, yes, he does radiate.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Critisize your weight.

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

The First Printed Bible

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

"He's very persuasive ... "

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

Dog Birthdays

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

Chef De Party.

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'