Comic Relief Crusader Pillows

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'Work. The Era of Big Government And Handouts is Over.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

Critisize your weight.

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"Eat me"

No littering...

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

My God, I need to fart.

Super Heroes.

Super pets.

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

The Alpha Seltzer

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'