Comic Relief Accountant Gifts

"Put the teeth away. I'm the Audit Fairy."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Ever eat a bird?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

The First Printed Bible

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"It's a wheeble or some such thing, but still no sign of a deoderant."