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Cow of BEEF

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

International Women's Day

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

Billy. The Kid.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

No-Work Orange

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

"Have you been playing dice?"

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

The Food Chain

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

Window Treatment

Iliadette.

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

Caption contest. After last year's 3,000 entries, we're doing it again! Visit Speedbump.com for info and send your entries to speedbumpcomic@comcast.net.

Tarzan of the Grapes.

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."