Comic Hero Gifts

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Skipping Horse

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

Grace For Flies

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

International Women's Day

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

'Look, you can only do so much!'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

'Ahhh...'

"We only got six days of funding."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Moses separating his Laundry.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

Something Wilted This Way Comes.