Comic Hellraiser Pillows

You've been so grouchy since you quit smoking.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

The Alpha Seltzer

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Super Heroes.

My God, I need to fart.

Critisize your weight.

"Eat me"

No littering...

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'

"What part of 'giddyup' don't you understand?"

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

'Who wants to be examined first?'

What do you suggest we do about this?

Obama Healthcare.