Comet Connoisseurs Pillows

'Sorry, I already have a Comet!'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

At Ireland's oldst and most respected school of dance, Mrs O'Hara made a terrible discovery... (Book entitled 'The book of Irish dancing vol. 2 - How to incorporate the arms')

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

Henrik Ibsen,

The last Passenger Pigeon

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"We're here, Harry."

"Aha. . . the Sphinxter!"

Angels shopping in a store called "Heaven Pharmacy: Self-serve"

Secret Service Dogs

Weinberg's egregious error would damage his reputation forever, His colleagues would thereafter refer to him as 'the big double dipper,

"It's not that we had more fun before we got married --- it's just that now we're having a different kind of fun."

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

You're Out Of Order

'Just where did you get this satellite tracking system, anyway?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"You're amazing!"

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

It was brighter than most, and Biggins allowed himself a quiet smile as he contemplated the immense speeds involved as it burned itself up in the atmosphere...

Dinosaur Pet Stores

'He's practicing for his appearance before the congressional committee on torture.'

Now entering: Space. Population - wouldn't you like to know.

"This is my 'country house.' I also have a duplex in the city."

'Sorry guys, I've checked: The Moon is not made of cheese...'

"What am I, chopped liver?"