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Shoe Toss

'Relax, teamwork always leads to a slam dunk.'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

Alternative fielding positions

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'Let's go over our secret play.'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

The best goalie in the world!

Pole Vault Rules

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

The Cricketer and the Golfer

'Five seconds! ...Four ...Three ...Two ...One ...SPRING!!'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

Glenn Hoddle

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport