Comedy Repairs Pillows

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

The Fuse

'No it's still not fixed'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"It's garage music."

'I can't turn it off.'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

'It keeps sensing disturbances in the Force!'

The ice maker is leaking. Nothing can be done about that now. It's water under the fridge. F and E Plumbing.

"Instead of filling in all the pot holes, it’d be easier to lower the rest of the road."

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

'Worst chainsaw massacre I've ever seen.'

'See, you misread it - it's void where prohibited by lou!'

'Mom, I said if you want to live in this neighbourhood, keep a weapon at your disposal.'

"Lazarus was a whole different deal. This engine is just dead, dead, dead."

"It's a loaner while mine's in the shop."

'It's not my fault I'm three weeks late - my watch was slow.'

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

Don't worry, I'm not grazing, I'm looking for my contact lens!

Man scraping the snow off his car greets neighbour who is scrapping off advertisements.

"My sink drips, my shower runs. And my tub dribbles. I've got more leaks than the White House!"

'Oh come on, a little touch up paint and a soft cloth, I can buff that out.'

"Is that better?"

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

"I dragged a man out of a burning building. Un"fortunately, it was a fireman...

'Ralph, the toilet is overflowing.'

"I did replace it...with another broken light bulb!"

"Rad's shot. Looks like a drive-by."