Comedy Repairs Pillows

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'No it's still not fixed'

The Fuse

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'I can't turn it off.'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

"It's garage music."

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

"Instead of filling in all the pot holes, it’d be easier to lower the rest of the road."

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

'It keeps sensing disturbances in the Force!'

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

'Mom, I said if you want to live in this neighbourhood, keep a weapon at your disposal.'

'See, you misread it - it's void where prohibited by lou!'

'It's not my fault I'm three weeks late - my watch was slow.'

"It's a loaner while mine's in the shop."

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

Man scraping the snow off his car greets neighbour who is scrapping off advertisements.

"My sink drips, my shower runs. And my tub dribbles. I've got more leaks than the White House!"

Don't worry, I'm not grazing, I'm looking for my contact lens!

'Oh come on, a little touch up paint and a soft cloth, I can buff that out.'

"Is that better?"

"I dragged a man out of a burning building. Un"fortunately, it was a fireman...

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

'Ralph, the toilet is overflowing.'

"Rad's shot. Looks like a drive-by."

"I did replace it...with another broken light bulb!"

You'll just have to tell the plumber to go. The 'leak' in the refrigerator I told you about is a vegetable!