Car Repair Comedian Pillows

"Lazarus was a whole different deal. This engine is just dead, dead, dead."

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

CLEAR!

Volkswagen Scandal

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

'Beware of SUV.'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"Okay. Hit it."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

No U-turns

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

"It's a hybrid if you think it is. Runs on gas and the power of positive thinking."

Pine tree driving a truck with a human-shaped air freshener hanging off the mirror

'I swear this self driving car is falsifying it's records to avoid an insurance rate hike."

"Instead of filling in all the pot holes, it’d be easier to lower the rest of the road."

My car idles well! It learned a lot from you!

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

"..and I've recently had it converted to LGP"

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

'Do you remember what make of car it was, sir? -- We'll have to order parts.'

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

Road rage in the car-to-car technology era.

Tin man visits automotive oil change facility.