Comedy Nights Pillows

'Yes wise guy, as it happens, I do have a reservation!'

Zombie standup

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Lesser known greek gods,

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

How Amazon was invented

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"Well what does the GPS say?"

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'