Comedy Kingpin Gifts

Really?! You work in theater? I had my leg in a cast once.

'Man, I hate it when he goes crowd surfing.'

'I TOLD you not to wash it in warm water!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

Mr. Blok goes bowling.

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Will work for Food Network.

'I think it's past its sell-by date.'

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

"I say this as a friend, Tom...we always know when you're bluffing!"

'Don't tell me we've been following the wrong light!'

Amy Winehouse

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

'Sure, our expertise keeps ‘em here, but Mom's cookies get them through the door!'

'Where do I see myself in five years? Well, doing your job of course!'

Worker doing impression from the end of Titanic.

Safety Pin

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

Whisk

'Granted, you're the boss at home, Doris, but around here I'm the boss, I really am!'

'Here lies one of THE GREAT contract negotiators...it says so in the fine print.'

"If I do that to my own Barbie, imagine what might happen to a tattle-tale."

"When we selected our keynote speaker, he had not yet been indicted for SEC violations."

'Well,there's why your refrigerator's having temperature problems ma'am. The door's got a badly worn seal.'

"Mia Farrow would find the time!"

"He's the big dog."

'I have money, fame and power...but all it's done is made me happy.'

Bowling.

Two porters carry a king