Comedy Guru T-Shirts

"I charge according to the size of the target."

The gods drink beer while Zeus throws a thunderbolt.

The fuzziness you're experiencing is not a problem with your set — You are listening to a paid political broadcast.

Fishes

Showbiz Awards

Shampoo.

Time Machine Collision

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

Succession 2

Vanna White: The Later Years.

'Hendrikson is playing his practical joke again!'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

"It's not easy being green…"

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

Strange man has a nose monocle.

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Robert the Brucie.

Jerry had a difficult time coming up with cartoon ideas over the noise his dogs made. '...so then the cat says, 'No, thanks. I'll clean it myself.' 'Ha,ha! Yeah, that's a good one,Phil!'

Nicholas Parsons RIP

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

Um... Can I get an 'L', Pat?

"Sorry about that. Just following the serving suggestion."

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

"It's James Earl Jones from Verizon again—he wants to know if we still respect him as an actor."

Ventriloquist's dummy reads 'Computers for dummies'.