Comedy Crowd Gifts

Meet the Plagiarist

"I keep having these funny moods, doctor."

'You mean as opposed to a rural gnome?'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Zombie standup

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

"That'll be five bucks."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Stairlift around cliff face.

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

The First Fire Stick

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

Divine Desk Bins

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"He looks just like your husband."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"