Comedy Cosmologist Gifts

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Houston, we have a problem."

God Sneezes Out Creation

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Clown God

'You caught it, you gut it!'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

The Origins of Everything

Science fiction fans on other planets

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?