Comedy Cosmologist Gifts

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Houston, we have a problem."

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'You caught it, you gut it!'

Clown God

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

She loves to play with string theory.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

When bacteria trash talk to antibodies. Oh yeah?! You and what course of antibiotics?!

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

The Origins of Everything