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'I thought we had six fish in the livewell.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Puss in cement boots"

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

Plum jam...

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Standard & Poor

"He looks just like your husband."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

Yakety-Yak

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

'He's trying to talk them into giving themselves up!'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'