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'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

'Mom said you had a twinkle in your eye... but it just looks bloodshot to me.'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

'Oh, Christ.'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

The Porkypine Pals Christmas Adventure - Part Four

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

Ever vigilant, the restive Claus uses it to get an early start on the naughty and nice list.

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through duct work.

'Don't worry, I come in peace today: Merry Christmas!'

Elf on the Top Shelf

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

'Take that off, Fuller. You're scaring the hell out of everyone!'

'You better watch out, you better not cry, we're here to abduct some earthlings that's why, aliens are coming to town.'

"I'm confused. We were trained to do our business outside, but then they bring in a tree that glows."

Vaccine Reindeer

About Santa 2017.