Comedies About Aging Pillows

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"Would anyone like to say any final words about Carl from accounting?"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

Mirror mirror...

When her hex on ageing failed, Grizelda opted for the mobility - broom.

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"This is the worst gum disease I've ever seen...I'd suggest you eat more vegetarians."

Bunny TV.

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

'That is the last time we will ask an actor to cut a cake.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Mmm...yes...scrumptious—I think we got it all."

Expired, expired, expired, expired, expired, expired.

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."