Comedically Curious T-Shirts

'You've made me all hot, but I still don't feel very horny.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

'Choose, Fenster

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

"Hair spray"

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Wine represents all things civilized. It's an artistic expression, a manifestation of cultural enlightenment...'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'It's Blurred.'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

"We're gonna need a bigger comic."

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

Sleigh Ride

'When you said you were a bee keeper...'

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

"What fly?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

'As you can see, the region is full of investment opportunities.'

The violin lesson

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'

'Guess what, I got a job tallying bananas.'

'Binocular, infra-red camera, directional microphone: Let's go and do some stalking...'

"Well, technically, he's supposed to draw the sword from the stone....but I'm not going to argue the point."

"It's the naps you don't take that you regret the most."