Comedically Challenged Historian Gifts

'The future is yours, Eddie, which judging from this history grade, is more than I can say for the past.'

"You're on a what?!"

Archimedes statue with a lever

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Red Letter Days - Encounter with the old village sweetheart - 'bless my soul! ... Miss Victoire! ...'

"Professor, this changes everything."

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

Ransom Library. Oh, that's just Henry … He's a history buff. Wild West.

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

'We knew of your return from your round the world trip - we could smell you a mile away!'

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

W.C.Fields

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

'What a Neanderthal! Ork doesn't know his putter from his driver.'

"You look good for your age."

Useless-memory lane

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Now that we've invented language and bipedalism, we can do stand-up comedy!

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

'I just can't keep up with all this modern technology.'

Style

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.