Comedic Wit T-Shirts

I'm beginning to think that the expensive super HD TV we bought that would be just like 'looking through a window' actually IS a window!"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

'He has his father's feet.'

Wind shear - 81 st and Lex

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

"I am in so much trouble."

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

'To cure your dog I suggest you change your aftershave lotion, Mr Lutshbuddle.'

Fisherman Funneral

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

A heron wearing waders.

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

Under Canvas

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

MPs opt for longer surgery opening hours: Gp's have to be available when the public needs them... We won't be able to look at it until after the six week Christmas break!

Oh, those are just photos of my first 1,000 kids – I haven't shown you the second 1,000 yet.

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

"Is this your first time with an undercover cop?"

'Elections are easier to understand if you think of them as performance art.'

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

'Yes, I'm a temp. Why do you ask?'

"Connect the dots"

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"