Comedic Weight Warrior Pillows

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Biceps, muscles and brawn

Bench Press Accident

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

Ring for Service.

" ... then subtract 75 pounds for the cat ... "

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

Jeff was watching his weight.

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

'This will a short meeting on the company's ‘Lose Weight' campaign. Ed can't hold his belly in for more than 9 minutes.'

'Holding in your stomach won't help, sir.'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'Are you sure this is only the 100kg?'

'Work the ring! Use the Jab! Watch out for the left hook! And turn off your iPod.'

Man fights with his shadow.

'Unfortunately, Mrs. Himner, spot weight reduction is impossible. You need to lose weight overall.'

Leaf Blower Showdown.

Birthday cakes for Dieters...

Woman strips on a public scale in order to get a lower reading.

"If only the men could see my fun side."

'Breath in,Miss Benson...breath in!'

Atlas' Exercise Machine

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'

Two weighing machines, one speaks your weight and the other lies about it.

"Maybe we should lay off the upper body training till your head pops back out."