Comedic Twist Seeker Gifts

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'Well, so much for THAT lifestyle choice.'

Tip jar at boxing match.

"Did you watch the super bowl?"

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"Eat my dust!"

Dorothy, the lion, and the scarecrow, are suddenly confronted by the tin man of Oz.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

The evidence destroyed

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

After months of writer's block, the great man's biographer finally decides how to end the book.

'Bitter.' 'Anything else?' 'Yea - twisted.'

Doom & Gloom

'Looks like the invasion has already began...'

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year.

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

Writing about scientific progress in 1675, Isaac Newton said " If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." This metaphor is now commonly used to make the point that scientific advances are made using a foundation built by the work of those who came before. That Newton guy was right, you can see further when you're on the shoulders of Giants. I just wonder if he was talking about the players from the football Giants or the baseball Giants. Ernie is a much bigger fan

'Yes, I'm a temp. Why do you ask?'

'Very steamy and sexy novel, Miss Pendergast, but how come that this Latino heart throb only services women over 70?'

"I'm just doing this until I can break into accounting."

"You fool—I'm CIA, too!"

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

A fisherman is hooked on the beach.

'Relax buddy'.Said the messenger of death.' This is just a Grim Reaper-a-gram.'