Comedic Twist Seeker Gifts

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'Well, so much for THAT lifestyle choice.'

Tip jar at boxing match.

"Did you watch the super bowl?"

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"Eat my dust!"

Dorothy, the lion, and the scarecrow, are suddenly confronted by the tin man of Oz.

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

The evidence destroyed

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

Doom & Gloom

After months of writer's block, the great man's biographer finally decides how to end the book.

'Bitter.' 'Anything else?' 'Yea - twisted.'

'Looks like the invasion has already began...'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year.

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

'Yes, I'm a temp. Why do you ask?'

'Very steamy and sexy novel, Miss Pendergast, but how come that this Latino heart throb only services women over 70?'

"You fool—I'm CIA, too!"

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

'Wow! I thought that Charlie was just horsing around.'

"Worst opening act ever. Did you know what a vuvuzela is?" "What?"

A fisherman is hooked on the beach.

'Relax buddy'.Said the messenger of death.' This is just a Grim Reaper-a-gram.'

The Sky is falling...Now and Then.