Comedic Trekker Pillows

'I need it for my electric blanket.'

Airport Security.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

'So much for your new Satnav!'

'I'm going to Venus. He's going to Mars.'

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

School trip little porters.

'There's a bench over there why not sit down and rest your weary mouth?'

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

Great, the skeletons of all the other cartoon characters who were here before us.

Man with twisted legs using a twisted walking stick.

Touring Holidays - On the P***

A tourist sees that every sign leads the right way.

"It seems to me you may be experiencing some form of low-level depression."

Lambo

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"Lost, what are you talking about? I'm not lost!"

'We're lost - I told ye to take the low road.'

'Not much game about today,boy!'

"Thar someone from the IRS blows!"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

'Next year we're going where our luggage goes!'

Currency Exchange. Hebrides Travel Agency. They said that for one hundred dollars, Skye's the limit.

"I have to go wee-wee."

Maps to the Stars

"Well Carter, according to the map, this is where the Rainforest begins."

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

The only way to get a rain free British holiday is to camp above the clouds.

"The usual"

For Those Who Don't Feel That Driving School Is Quite Enough, There's...Driver's University

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'