Comedic Trekker Pillows

'I need it for my electric blanket.'

Airport Security.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'So much for your new Satnav!'

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

'I'm going to Venus. He's going to Mars.'

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

School trip little porters.

'There's a bench over there why not sit down and rest your weary mouth?'

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

Man with twisted legs using a twisted walking stick.

Touring Holidays - On the P***

A tourist sees that every sign leads the right way.

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Lambo

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"Lost, what are you talking about? I'm not lost!"

'We're lost - I told ye to take the low road.'

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"Well Carter, according to the map, this is where the Rainforest begins."

'Not much game about today,boy!'

"I have to go wee-wee."

'Next year we're going where our luggage goes!'

Maps to the Stars

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

"Thar someone from the IRS blows!"

The only way to get a rain free British holiday is to camp above the clouds.

"The usual"

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'

For Those Who Don't Feel That Driving School Is Quite Enough, There's...Driver's University

'Due to technical difficulties the scenic route is currently unavailable'