Comedic Situations Fan Gifts

Knife-thrower.

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

I thought you wanted me to sell your car.

'Mr. Beegley will see you briefly.'

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

'Evil Olive'- An evil olive has taken out his co-workers with cocktail swords.

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"Any luck"

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

"Well, of course you have a heart."

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

'I heard your licence was revoked.'

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

'That's a male-pattern bald-faced untruth.'

'Aah! I've caught you Dobson - making love to my wife during working hours!'

Ostriches

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"

Jungle explorers face giant hairball.

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

Apex Piano Movers

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

Man with a nail in his hammer

Look at you. The vacant stare

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

'Yes... Now I see - no pocket. So perhaps the glove is defective.'

Receptionist takes managing director a cup of coffee/tea, finds him having sex with someone, leaves, then comes back with two cups of coffee/tea.

'Aaaaah' 'Helpline's busy can you hold.'