Comedic Royalists Gifts

'No, I don't have a match!'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

Pop up begger.

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

'It creeps me out when he watches the History Channel and takes notes!'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

"It's nice to see you expressing yourselves, but what you need to focus on what's good for the whole group!"

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"Al, are you certain that this guy has the authority to marry us?"

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."