Comedic Psychology Explorers Pillows

'There goes one for the book -- he had a very happy childhood, and now he feels guilty about it.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

Ins and Outs of Sex Therapy

"...but this is the stuff of dreams Mr Whitley! Dreams."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

X-RAY

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

How cats see their home

Why is it the universe keeps expanding but there's never any room in my closet?

Lambo

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'