Comedic Kitchen Critic Pillows

'Do you call this spaghetti'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Is the MSG local?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Too much cilantro

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Countervailing Clichés.

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

Happy hour.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"