Comedic Doctor-wannabe T-Shirts

'I'd have to say you've been exposed to extremely high levels of polyester.'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

Breast Height Chart

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"