Comedic Doctor-wannabe T-Shirts

'I'd have to say you've been exposed to extremely high levels of polyester.'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'Just another couple of pages.'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'