Comedic Crisis Responders Pillows

"God, if you get me back to shore, I'll give you everything I own. Okay, fifty percent of everything. How about ten percent plus community work..."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

Biological Alarm Clock.

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

Pirate Paddle Boat.

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

"That's it - we've eaten the last of the energy bills."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'These lousy free-range chickens think that they just own the whole world!'

Still hip, but not much hop.

'An optician was having a closing down sale...I got the last pair!'

"No, it wasn't an accident. I have a hard starting outboard."