Comedic Cook-offs Pillows

'Happy Valentine's Day!'

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Double Saxophone

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

'Do you want toast with that?'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

Beard helper

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

Frozen Fish

'Sorry, this table is taken.'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

Chinese noodles.

Our Village Industrial Competition.

"I forget now, but one of these buttons opens the chair back to full recline."