Comedic Commentary Enthusiast Pillows

MPs opt for longer surgery opening hours: Gp's have to be available when the public needs them... We won't be able to look at it until after the six week Christmas break!

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Pop up begger.

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Fisherman Funneral

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."