Comedic Campaigner Gifts

"I'm running for city council and I'd like to kiss that baby."

Save the unicorn.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

"Before I start. . . . are you sure pruning doesn't violate the tree's rights?"

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

Jumble Sale

'Thank you but I'm a bit sensitive to ethnic food.'

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"Gavin is a bit conflicted when it comes to barbecuing."

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

Jeb Can Ficks It

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

Rollercoaster police chase.

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

"They're nice, but not as efficient as my coal-powered chimes."

'I understand the plight of average crustaceans... Because I'm just an average crustacean myself.'

It's not Global Warming silly: I bought a plastic plant...

I'm not going to vote because there aren't any televised debates. What? Debates are pretty much the only good thing about election season. You get to watch the politicians hate each other in person. And you get to watch the panic in their eyes when they mess up an answer and realize they've just ruined their entire political career. If they're not gonna bother entertaining me, why should I bother giving them my vote? I love casting ballots. Any opportunity to flex is worthwhile.

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

'I've hired this musician to play a sad melody while I give you a sob story why I didn't do my homework. It's actually quite effective.'

'In view of the crap you talk, I'd suggest to take this, sir, before you get sued for environmental pollution.'

"Quick on his feet means if you can't answer a question, run away!

Model's aspirations

'Was it an Indian elephant or an African elephant?'

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

"The gods are energizing their base."

Petrol for Regular and Large cars.

"I think he's running as an independent."

I know I'm a wooden campaigner but elect me chief and I promise I'll bop heads for you every day!

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."