Comedic Absurdity Collector Pillows

"You call this torment? This ain't nuthin'. You shoulda seen what this place was like back when I was your age."

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Surf Casting

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Banana Split...

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"The Eggsorcist"

Snowmobull

Filet minion

'Wow, talk about shedding!'

Turtle Hat

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

E-Baying @ The Moon

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

A trevor of trainspotters

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"Whose the new guy?"

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

Rent a Room With Hot Water

The embarrassment of mistaking a salon for a saloon.

Spare A Change?

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

An Extraordinary Pointer

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"