Comedians Of Divine Timing Pillows

Almost Your Time.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Local News in Heaven

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"Beware of God"

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Kissing Prompt

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'Let's see,,, You're answering prayers until 9:30,, Your Armageddon meeting's been pushed to 2:00 and it looks like your speaking engagement in Mrs, Ingersol's head is postponed 'til Thursday,'

'My people have 253 words for snow, but only three for sub-prime mortgage.'

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

"I see travel and romance. You'll be going away soon. I see a tall, dark stranger with many tattoos."

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

"I hope they're not fake commandments!"

"His last words were: Tell Martha to pay the doctors first."

Bertram de Born (The Divine Comedy).

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'