Comedian Under Pressure Pillows

Audited by the IRS.

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Workload management.

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

The guy who got in on the ground floor

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

In Case of Emergency - Break Glass and take a BIG SWIG!

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

Struggling chef.

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

"Great, you finally complied with our clean desk policy! So what all were you able to get done today?!"

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

'I see you're aware of the problem with the phones.'

Maybe we should do a big check next time. Sweepstak … 5 five.

Yeah, Fred's a real credit to the human race. He owes everyone.

"Of course, the current tenant will be gone before the first of the month."

How to spot the early signs of Book Fair meeting meltdown.

"Apparently reading about the causes of cancer gives you cancer."

I'm between jobs right now. I admire your optimism.

"I got this job because I work well without supervision."

'The guy who hacked our banks' computer has transfered 10,- to us when he saw our balance...'