Comedian's Sidekick Gifts

Blood Donor Centre

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

Writer's Strike

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

Stock Wanted

'It's a duet yourself project.'

'We're not playing hide and seek. I'm just trying to find Marm to take him to the vet.'

'That's mighty inspiring, Bucky, but I reckon my best hope for gittin' outta this quicksand is for you to reach me that cardboard tube.'

I hate to tell you this, but most of the pigs on social media are rooting for the wolf.

"That's very deep house."

'Paramedic' 'Doctor' 'Clean underpants man'

He gave her a big bear hug. The kind that says, I love you, I'll never leave you, I'm possessive, needy and insecure.

'Sorry I'm late: It's hard to keep track of time when you work in complete darkness...'

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

'I wouldn't worry about not brushing before bed if it was just the one night, Mr. Van Winkle.'

'Your father told you to look both ways when crossing a four lane highway?'

'It's no good telling me to eat my grees, Mum. You know I'm colour blind.'

'What fresh hell is this? I just spent 50 grand on hair plugs.'

"I get the 'bat' concept - the car, the cave, the plane, the boomerang. . . but how's this Robin thing supposed to fit in?"

"Relax, release and let go...."

'Have you guys ever actually read the directions on a box of shake'n'bake?'

"We're all out of trolleys so you're going to hell in a handbasket."

"Not funny, Chico!"

"If that's not cultural appropriation, then I don't know. . ."

Getting Dad up to speed....Happy Father's Day

"This one is broken."

Stoplight