Comedian In Flight T-Shirts

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

Cow Blue Arrows

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"It's my helper trout!"

Vampire on a plane

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

Cow Pilot.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

Man skated through airport with rollers on pull bag.

A signaller directing pallbearers

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

"Five bucks he opens it."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"It's me. I was going through a 'Bon Jovi Phase.'"

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.