Comedian Clairvoyant T-Shirts

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

Asking out a palm reader.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Quantum Psychic

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"You're solemates!"

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

Halo Frisbee.

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'It's Blurred.'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"Your husband says BOO!"

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

"A new set of dentures! Is that it?"

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."