Columnist Prints

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'And this is Paul, who writes our 'Voice of Sanity' column.'

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

'Well, don't just sit there being perfect - mummy's got a column to write and nothing to write about!'

'This week's column is going to be about Writer's Block, and it's...'

"...Your severance package will be ready first thing in the morning!"

Malcolm was never serious about getting help,

Bernard Levin

'I still think Trajan take his column too seriously.'

Fake News

'Hospital for Columnists' "Great news you've got cancer!" "Brilliant! Think of the paperback sales"

Squeezing the Free Press.

"We are dropping your column. Many readers think you're just to extreme."

The Original Gossip Columns

"That's enough. I refuse to compete with Anna Quindlen!"

Journalist in charge of gardening column has dead plant.

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Dear Diary, Day 11, and i'm still suffering from a severe case of ' Writer's Block'. I think it's time i tried a Laxative.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Bloody Hell Brenda, why the Camilla Long face?"

Will Self deprecation

'I hate these literary parties. All everyone does is sit around and complain about their publishers. Take mine for instance ...'

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'... And writing columns critical of the team, its coaches and its players...'

'You've been killing files again.'

Spot The Balls Up.

'He's counting how many words 'whom' with an 'm'. His record is six hundred and twenty nine.'

The Daily Fury

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Oh, none for me, thanks...I'm not that kind of vampire. I only feed on daily newspapers."

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

Nan's Syndicated Column

Ask Doctor Ernie. Doctor Ernie, what is your opinion of mood altering substances? When it comes to mood-altering substances, you can't beat hot fudge brownies and a glass of milk!