Column Enthusiast Prints

"Perhaps you should limit yourself to one Krugman column a week."

'I'm an accountant, dear. I see columns everyday.'

"That's how the middle class fight. They fight with columns."

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Alice in Wonderland - Painting the Rose Tree.

'Maybe fruit flies don't have souls.'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

'You've been killing files again.'

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

After 9pm Harry Lomax slips quietly into cruise control.

"Yeah, and the new job lets me work from home."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

The Colonel reading Clive's letters to the ladies of the regiment.

The Adventures of Tom Friedman, Boy Reporter

'What, They're comfortable.'

'Is your cap on tight? We don't want any more accidents in the bed, do we?'

The Original Gossip Columns

Bernard Levin

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

Reserved Parking

Cops' Right to Beat You in Private Shall Not Be Infringed

"Careful... if you look too comfortable they take your chair away."

The Daily Fury

Introverted Chair

"I've been a postie for 20 years. . ."

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

Will Self deprecation

Skier.