Color Consultant Gifts

"'Anguish,' 'Parasite,' 'Malaise.' Let's move Mr. Kafka out of the paint color naming department."

Blues consultant.

In the Guru District

That shows business confidence.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

Men's business romper.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Instructions for Bow Tie Wearers

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Love the bag, Stell! Very career."

GQ Magazine: Stay at Home Special.

'I'll take it!'

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

How would Madam like to pay?

Baracracy

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

Trendies, INC

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

Saleswoman holds mirror up to the backside of the bride's dress

'Good to know my whole social life hasn't been a complete waste.'

RBG, RGB, CMYK

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'To much orange.'

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

'Note the bold use of gray.'

'Men will never understand.'

"I want it to look good, but not ill-gotten-gains good."