Colonial History Fans Gifts

How they were named.

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

"Darn autocorrect!"

Colonial Larrysburg.

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

"Do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"

'Don't worry it's organic...'

Thomas Keneally

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"My paper is on Paul Revere's famous ride form the standpoint of media impact across select stages of the colonial decision-making process."

Maypole

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

Cuban vaccine exceeds 92 effectiveness

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

Alabama Claims - Sir John Bull Falstaff Analogy

The Race to Ukraine

'He followed me home. Can I keep him?'

"When in the course of human events it becomes... Oh, blast it! Adams is just going to edit the heck out of this..."

A horse driving a Model T tows an Amish buggy.

William Bentinck

'Is it organic?'

Dmitri Ivanovich Mendeleev: "At the...conference, four of my colleagues were standing side by side. Kiosk weighed 140 pounds..."

Ye Olde Inn, Fine Food & Spirits.

"Hatless" Bill Johnson

"Did we get the line item veto?"

History of Cartooning.

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

The Conservatives will be pulling the strings...

"That isn't allowed either."

'The Ben Franklin? What an honor! I see your 'Poor Richard's Almanack' in bathrooms all over the place!'