College Admissions Pillows

'We'll have to take this one - he invented the software we're using to make the selection.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'How dare you deny my son's application because of his low SAT scores! Everyone knows that test is culturally biased.'

"It's all set. We both have enough credits to go to college."

"Your sat scores were low, but the good news is your credit score is over 800."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"One year closer to college!"

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

End of Affirmative Action

'Cat Lit. You?'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'