Collectors' Corner Pillows

Auction. I bid on everything until I lost my voice. The cartload before the hoarse!

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Unemotional Support Animal

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Recalculating route..."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

Sister Cities

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

Goldfish evolution - "...it's called evolution and it means in a few years we'll walk right out that door."

His and Hers Wedding

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"He looks so much like his dad."

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'Mint?! These taste like cardboard!'

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

Take me to your leader. . .

Cow Pollen

"Is your dog friendly?"

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

Sushi Train Spotters

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"Hey! These are still good!!"

Doulton Canada Geese

"Too much club."

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."