Collecting Holiday Gifts Gifts

"I'm still waiting on that pony."

Speed Dating for Turtles

"That'll be five bucks."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

Ball as water-melon.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Christmas Hugs

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

The Portrait of Dorian Gray after one year in lockdown.

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

'I'd like three dozen friendship cards -- this war has gone on long enough.'

"Instead of wishes, I got you a gift card."

"Are you the pickle guy or the baby guy?"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Ugly genie.

Santa Claus and the Snowman Cross Paths

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

Life Imitates Arf....

'Impressive screen, but doesn't it put you off your tea?'

"Today's news is so bad, it makes yesterday's bad news look good."

Wild fruit

"You have reached your destination (for the 4th time tonight, I might I add?)"

Greeting Cards

"Stop pestering me. Dating you is the last thing I'd do."

The Magi: Christmas, 1993

Baron Frankenstein on Christmas morning.

"Write 'Get back to work, Simmons!' Sign it 'Warmly, Mr. Johnson' and 'P.S. get well.'"

'What can you suggest for a young lady who thinks she has everything?'

'That's typical as soon as you snap on the light, they disappear.'

'Eric, who gave me a handmade bookmark for Christmas, gets a 62 percent on the midterm. Ann gave me a mug. She gets a 71. Gina gave me a weekend for two in Vienna. She scored a 98!'