Gift Collecting Gifts

'Eric, who gave me a handmade bookmark for Christmas, gets a 62 percent on the midterm. Ann gave me a mug. She gets a 71. Gina gave me a weekend for two in Vienna. She scored a 98!'

"Instead of wishes, I got you a gift card."

"Stop pestering me. Dating you is the last thing I'd do."

'Having numerous children is not that bad: I get loads of presents on Mothers' Day...'

Lame gift cards.

Baron Frankenstein on Christmas morning.

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"It's official"..."It's a drought!"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Larry's used art

Skipping Horse

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Grace For Flies

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Director/Action Man toy.

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Packaging Russian Dolls

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

International Women's Day

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

Seagiraffes

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Cat woman shopping for cats.

Cocktails on the verandah.

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Robert Fripp

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.