Collecting Gavels Pillows

'What really hurt was when I had to divest myself of my holdings in the gavel company.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

(Visual gag) Wellard's annual BIG HANDBAG SALE!! A woman is dragging a huge bag out from a bag shop

"I shop, therefore I am."

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Justice 4 Ron

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

Utility Chic.

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

"If the 'Disorderly Conduct' charge is dropped, your Honor, my client will plead guilty to the lesser charge of 'Zany Antics'."

"May I borrow your glasses so I can find my glasses?"

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

Other than a high chair, what qualifies you to sit in judgment? A lethal gavel.

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

'Well you're an eye doctor aren't you'

Late library book. Judge says, 'I don't think you're taking this seriously'.

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

"Overruled!"

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."