Colleague Who Is Expecting Pillows

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Downloading Pregnancy

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

Bureau of the Damned

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"Haaaaah. . . . Back to the office. Better put on my happy face. . ."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"This one is less distracting."

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'